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We Are Alive Beyond Repair

by Gatherers

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1.
Spill 02:45
We’re all damned Left to pillage For there’s a flood upon us now Say you’ve got a plan Everybody’s got a plan So go and hang your wishful thinking out And if your love digs you a hole, if it falls aimlessly out of control I’ll let you spill open my skull cause there’s no saving us from what we sow Cheap sedation to adore Well, I’ve chewed the scenery down to the bone You’re an open wound You’re the only one that never closes Sweet dilation takes it’s toll You’re a crooked smile My incandescent glow You’re the open wound that never closes As you pulled back your bow (I should’ve known) and spilled open my skull (We’d all die alone, die alone) You are the name beside my tomb You are a voice from another room always singing that there’s no saving us from what we sow
2.
You buried your veil and laid in the mire Glorified in iodine All the while, half asleep the whole time Circulation gets cut off from the knots that you tie You lose count of the days as it kills you from the inside The colors run and leave your pain exposed Every layer monochrome, dull in the shine. You feel the weight but can’t atone Abandon your pride As if your body belonged to the sea, all the air escapes from your lungs, There is a fever in your blood, Your pockets full of stones, a porcelain touch You saw this coming, it felt like home It felt like all of your walls crumbling
3.
Coat 02:48
There’s no warmth in you anymore Now the lining in my coat stays torn But what makes you so god damn cold, so cavalier? Must’ve slipped into your veins Got blinded by the fire Chasing ambient light. I saw myself coming undone I saw myself come undone as I collected all the shrapnel of you in me Standing on the edge you we’re heavy eyed Sleep comes in figure eights, a permanent flux The kind that drowns you alive in downpours of temporary love And it suits me just fine, Even if it never fills me up inside, I’ll make it work I want your pain if it’s too much I want your worst So much it hurts For what it’s worth it's all decadent fun and we’ll never learn Swallowed a gun; the room starts to turn
4.
You pulled the hammer from the cupboard In the Sunday best you’d wear. You spoke your vows into a bottle Stalked his footsteps up the stairs There’s no living in the present We are alive beyond repair Blanking at your own reflection Despondent as you stare You pulled the hammer from the cupboard Filled your ashtray up with prayer You hid your bruises in the plaster with a brand new cross to bear Pour your heart across the floorboards, too broken to care. Your hands, they trembled Clutched around your ticket out There’s no of resemblance of the face you used to know. So pour your heart across the floorboards, too broken to care. Nails, nails, nails everywhere.
5.
Tape 02:41
Heard you confess from the window ledge Your tenth floor apartment, the neighbors played dead Into a tape recorder you declared, “I dreamt this up, I watched you all disappear” A shrine in my brain It, it felt all the same You haunt me in ways I can not explain Spitting up your blood ’til my body floats “Everything’s fine”, I laughed through the choke A vanishing act, giving up your ghost If only the ground could soften the blow In the moment you lost your grip to the tempo of the ambulance lights flashing You made your peace with the sun, with sun, with the sun There’s something in the way you moved There’s something in the way you moved Heard you confess from the corners of my head You made your bed but nothing grew A message warped, plays out of tune.
6.
We fled to the river on our funeral day, naked in our self-defeat. Uprooted all the flowers, we burned the clothes we couldn’t take We threw our bodies to the rocks below and prayed to God but God looked the other way There’s a pill at the bottom that we swallow every day And our love is an orphanage where the children have no names As I pulled you out from the water, reborn in the mud I died in the bloom of nothing sacred I opened my arms and painted you and me as crooked shapes. The final touch; I ate my heart out ’til my stomach ached Perched on the tip of your tongue yet still I want the taste when you say, “Oh, inevitable doom!” Such beautiful gloom My infinite you Our infinite blue.
7.
We couldn’t stay awake Counting from one hundred Complete strangers in the windows of a train headed for derailment “Man, what a pitiful dream..” you turned and said to me “I swear to God I could hear static in their screams, their faces cut from magazines” Divide. Repeat. A makeshift identity pulsing like a cable release Handprints waving on the station tile remind us of existence. We play hostage to the glow, burying our heads in the feed Throw us to the jaws of our own device Throw us to the jaws of our own device Throw us to the jaws of our own device Now we laugh at our despair Shaking on display for a crowd “Watch me now as I am mangled by the dogs Go on, take your cameras out” Your pick-me-up; I drown Your pick-me-up; I drown We couldn’t find a way out of this pollution Our days are numbered, scratched into the paint Full disintegration “Man, what a pitiful dream” you turned and said to me “I swear to God I could I hear static as they screamed” “Is anybody listening?”
8.
“God how I ricochet between certainties and doubts”* Prey upon the weak as if you were godless We butcher and bear witness Come pray. It’s not enough grief Praise the crutch from the arms of your redeemer I’m you’re miracle strung on a rope Cancer plagues the well from which you drink Worship in the filth of a new disease Worship in the clay I seed Feral martyrs in heat Come sink your teeth into me I shepherd the poor like lambs to the chapel Reveling in the dogma and geist You’ll never take me alive, feed me to the fire All and nothing less by the book I prescribe Falsify Hunt down the flock for the meat Prey. There is no hope, no cure.
9.
A shot point blank in the heart You moved right through me As we wiped the earth clean off the marital beds we never knew. You said goodbye cruel world and kissed me in the cemetery Passengers of youth, bicycles drifting through. Eyes shut tight and fearless of the crash. Can I die in your company and rest my head right here? Hunter, you’re a fiction of the times. Guiding like a beam of light Hell will never claim us, nor the color of your eyes contain the brightness of the moon exploding in the sky In a world that is blind, somehow we collided To die by your side Same time, next life Your hand, slow ride.
10.
You are a picture of a room with no people in it and there is rot behind the walls, and the bulbs have long died out You are a moment in my mind, played out in perfect harmony But the needle misaligns and your words never quite add up Small talk with no recollection of the ones you’ve lost A letterhead without a name The buzzing of the vacancy sign, sings until you’re comatose An empty bed pressed with your silhouette and tessellated accidents (Unwinding, unwinding) A circle on a map with no address, a tear in you that widens in degrees. (Unwinding, unwinding) But I digress, I digress, I digress (Unwinding, unwinding) Please, forget me. Oh you’re a mess I’m can not mend And I’m running out of thread Now we’re fading by the law of diminishing regrets Nothing brings you back You’re a date and time I penned on the inside of my hand too weathered to make sense of. Forget me.
11.
Starve 03:40
We’re divine animals Carve the fringe in the hide Your love, tasted cheap And it pulls me in tight A malevolent fashion You’re caught in my throat How could this happen? Who could’ve known? Skin me down Starve me out Wear me around

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released June 1, 2018

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